I need a guardian angel

I don't know why I'm blogging, no one will read this, nobody knows who I am and frankly nobody cares. I guess I just need a place to vent my feelings right now. I feel like I've been stripped naked,chained and backed into a corner with a gun against my head. The government feels they don't need to give me health insurance anymore because my seizures are "under control" yet come February when I have no means to pay for my medication I'll either be in the Hospital,Homeless or Dead and the last option sounds really appealing right now. I'm for once trying to do everything right while other people I know abuse the system to take over a thousand dollars a month from disability for "depression" and my wife and I budget month to month with the 300$ I get for a serious medical condition. I have been grateful for it too and want to work, I don't care about the money, I want to make money on my own and be my own man.....but I can't do it if I can't pay my medical costs. Who is going to insure a person with a grandmal seizure disorder? I can't even find work at a fast food restaurant. It feels hopeless. Come February I feel like I'm going to end up laying on the train tracks catching snowflakes on my tongue while waiting for the next train from my home town in Helper to just take me away and make things easier for me and my poor wife. Amy has been such a saint. She doesn't deserve any of this and has put up with so much. She has worked hard and deserves a good life, and I can't give it to her. I have just made things complicated and frustrating for her. Dad if you're up there watching over me, just kill me now and get it over with. With me gone people won't have to deal with me and Amy can find a way to be happy. Just help me